How to Celebrate Boxing Day

While stories of the origins of Boxing Day sometimes conflict, the holiday (which falls on the first weekday after Christmas – usually December 26 – and coincides with the Feast of Saint Stephen) is celebrated in Britain, Canada and several other countries. Take a moment to observe the holiday.

Hmmmm.  The 26^th falls on a Sunday and I’m in New York, I’m headed towards the UES on 96^th and Lex., freezing my ass off at each bus station and again at the start because it’s about 20 degrees Fahrenheit — not Celsius.  Not an auspicious beginning to these instructions, but we’ll give it the old college try.  Expand our collective horizons.  Positive thinking.  Positive thinking.  That’s the Anglophile spirit!

Steps:

1. 

Attend a sporting event.

Excellent!  We’re off to a good start here.  Planning on a little jog in the Park, recovering a bit from the from the weekend’s wassailing and wondering what the f*ck I’m doing this in the cold.  But wait.  Pleasanter thoughts; am about to work off two days of roast beef and Yorkshire pudding.  Plus r*nning will help warm up the buttocks and other parts of my tits (did I say that out loud?) – I mean body – that feel like they’re about to fall off!

In England, horse racing, regattas, football games and the Brighton Swimming Club’s annual dip into the icy English Channel are just some of the events that take place on Boxing Day.

What the f*ck?????  Guess the Body screwed up this one.  Belmont is closed for the season, the Hudson doesn’t host “regattas” that I know of, American “football” games are currently being watched in New York City bars, which is where I should be now, and the NYCH3’s Polar Bear R*n isn’t for another month at least!

2. 

Remember those who have provided a service to you during the year.

Let’s see, who provided me with “services” this year?  Hmmmm . . . . Don’t think I’m THAT stupid to put that kind of stuff in writing!

The postal delivery person, the newspaper delivery person, and employees of your household or business should be remembered with a tip, bonus or gift basket.

Note to self: self-censorship is good.

3. 

Remember those in need.

One word: SMEE.

Tradition has it that on Boxing Day in Victorian England, the poor went from house to house bearing boxes that were filled by compassionate home owners with food, clothing and gifts. Give canned goods, clothing or your time to organizations that help the needy.

Or, if you’re hashing in New York City, give the leftover pizza to the homeless guy on the corner (or the under tipped and overworked bartender at the on-in), your sweaty clothing to whoever is the last hasher standing to collect it at the end of the evening and hoard the pitcher of “good” beer (like Mickey Mouth and Ed Lunch) for yourself.

4. 

Go shopping. Shopping is a popular Boxing Day activity, and the malls are usually filled with people taking advantage of after-Christmas bargains.

This is all sorts of not jiving with what’s going on here.  Is Dave going to give us money to go shopping?   Yippppppeee!

5. 

Celebrate with friends.

Now we’re talking.  But, come to think of it, I barely recognized a soul at the start: Flaccido Domingo, Mean Jean (who wasn’t r*nning), Stacey, Joe, Laird, Dave Hardy, Bruce and that’s about it.  There were visitors and virgins galore including our favorite returnee Amanda, who was overheard at the Patriot last Sunday saying that she would never return because we disgusted her with our excessive beer consumption and sophmoric behavior.  Amateur!  BTW – she got AOW for that.

Provide food and drink, or organize a potluck get-together for friends and family. Make it low-key, as Boxing Day should be less hectic and more relaxing than Christmas Day.

Now Crofty gets it.  There was beer, pizza and imported malt balls of sorts and English licorice.  The pizza was local, not pot-luck and was paid for with approximately $3 a piece out of our hash cash.

Tips:

Other traditions hold that Boxing Day came about because the churches’ alms boxes were opened that day, and the funds were used to provide food for the poor.

Other traditions at this hash included an English game of “crackers”, which is basically a large Chinese firecracker you’d get in C-Town, which you then pull with another person.  It cracks; a lamO-un-battery-operated toy falls out, along with a colored tissue-paper crown (which someone commented made Burger King hats look regal) and a really lousy joke.  Pearl Necklace seemed to corner the market on these and everything else that went POP at the bar.  Pretty much everyone was wearing a hat by the end of the evening.

Boxing Day is not an American holiday, so don’t expect to find too many celebrations going on in the United States.

Like I said – not a lot of us New Yorkers showed up.  A couple of late comers included our JM Got Wood? and Alice.  I also heard through the hash grapevine that Sideshow Bob made a 7PM appearance and that a raucous game of Bingo went until midnight, after which the hard-care hashers stayed until 1:30AM.  Amanda, did we see you there, STILL?