Hash # 1,035, January 25th, 2004
Hares Roy and Ewa
Start: Second to Last Stop on the 1/9; 238th Street and B’way
Guest Scribe: Cock Star
Australia Day in D’ Bronx
Theme. Schmeem. Do the write-up yourself if you want one!
I tried desperately to come up with some witty ideas, comparing Australia Day in Australia with Australia Day in the Bronx. But, alas, because of a severe amount of time on my hands (due to my newly unemployed status), it turns out that copious hours of time impede creativity. Also, it turns out that the Aussies really don’t do anything that special to celebrate in Australia outside of a regatta. So, here’s your themeless write-up: short and sweet cause I’m running against the clock here.
Believe it or not, it was cold. Up we schlepped to the second to last stop on the 1/9 train to the start on 238th and Broadway. I had no idea that the subway ran above ground up north! I thought is was only in
So, we get there and, guess what, it was cold! Devo and Wet Connection were warming themselves up with a Guiness at some dumpy bar, whose name I have forgotten — well, actually, never knew. Fireman Bob, who was so warmly clad, was only recognizable by the — ummm — shrinkage in his running tights. Devo subsequently showed him up, however, by dropping trou and running in hairy shorts — I mean legs.
Who else was crazy enough to show up you ask? Young John with a virgin (Krista), Barbara, Geoff, Michelle, Dave Long, Bill Janeway, Patrick, Dave Hardy and Laird. Ted showed up late and had to run into the bar-whose-name-I-never-knew to change. This caused him start late and finish early. I believe he shortcut 3.5 of the 4.0 mile trail.
Other late arrivals included Ed Lunch, Pearl Necklace, Mean Jean, HUA and Alice. All chose to shortcut because (you know why) it was friggin’ freezing!
Roy said something at the start. Not sure what. Warned us of ice that might have caused him to mark the trail in the streets. Right. Also mentioned some words of caution regarding ice on the stairs. STAIRS????? Apparently Roy passed around useless pieces of chalk (see Down Down #3 below). Where did we run you ask? I’m not sure because my brain starts to malfunction when it dips into the 20’s with a wind chill in the single digits. Some say west, some say south and then east. What I do remember of the trail was that it was cold and that it went in a circle. According to Young John and Dave Long, the pack cut off a good mile or so of the trail right at the start so that these two FRBs ended up mid-pack. Boo-hoo. Ooooh yeah, and did I mention the five-thousand-friggin’ flights of stairs we had to climb??????
The on-in was at Pauline’s (236th and B’way) — that’s how I know we ran in a circle. Nice little charming dump with burgers, fries and grilled cheese for the vegetarians. Now, if anyone on the hash group list was paying attention, Pauline’s had been recommended that week as an on-in to use. So, if you are on the group list and didn’t know where the on-in was, it was your own damn fault!
As soon as we arrived at the on-in, Pauline (I think) started firing up the grill and grilling the burgers. Beer flowed like water and the food came out in a slow stream, leaving many hashers salivating like Ed Lunch. Down-downs started as the scribe (one of the last member to eat — she informs you) had shoved the last morsel of burger in her cake hole. They went something like this:
Roy and Ewa, the hares. Does anyone know what Ewa did to assfist?
Virgin Krista and visitor (Swiss Miss) Mad And Horney.
Newly named Queen was brought up for showing up late and then having to run the trail with absolutely no pack marks being set. He was then promptly relieved by Laird, Dave Hardy and Janeway (a/k/a the “Unholy Trinity”), who were then forced to drink for failing to set pack marks.
The coveted Smashmouth award went to Virgin Krista, for falling over a Buick. She was informed that most hashers run around cars — not over them.
Devo was called up for running in cashmere tights (a/k/a hairy shorts — I mean legs).
Wet Connection was next for being challenged in the haut couture department. Having purchased multiple pairs of NYCH3 running gloves, she has 3 left and 2 right ones. She ran with two left ones.
The laid-up and infirm were up next, which included Geoff, Alice and Ed. Why HUA didn’t drink is beyond me, as he showed up with butterfly stitches over his left eye and a monster shiner. Apparently, after much on-inning the week before, he took a digger on the way to the store and split his eyebrow open. Instead of going to the hospital like any normal person would, (perhaps it was the beer breath), he played “doctor” at home.
Ted, I’m afraid, got AOW for dropping trou in the bar — down to his tighty whities — in front of Krista, who swears she saw skid marks. There has to be a name in this somewhere.
Well that’s it folks. On-out.