Today’s trail, hared by Gay If It Suits Me (GIISM), Taint No Savior (GIISM’s twin), and yours truly, Topless Barbie, was truly a shitty trail. Literally, covered in goose sh*t. Some people had more intimate encounters with said goose shit than others, but we shall get to that later.
The pack gathered at Prime One 16 in East Harlem for CUNTH’s 110th hash. Despite having laid trail in “waterproof” chalk and drywall, there was very little trail to speak of after a few hours of rain. So while GIISM and myself lounged around the on in waiting for the pack to arrive, Taint No Savior, visiting from Skull and Boners, guided the wankers around Randall’s Island. Along the route, the pack happened upon our two drink checks which consisted of “Skipper”, a concocktion of pink lemonade concentrate, Natty Ice, and vodka.
To keep trail interesting, the hares added some trail marks less commonly used in the New York hashes including a song check, a drink check, and a slap check. When the pack stumbled into the on-in, GAF on 2nd ave, they were sent directly to Delizia’s where they enjoyed some delicious pizza, before returning to GAF for beer and pi. Saturday’s hash, on 3.14.15 happened to be π day. So I made pie and all those fat bastards ate it.
While there weren’t any virgins, there was no shortage of visitors. This 11 man pack included 5 visitors, from Chicago, Boston, and New Haven.
Rapunzel and Outback Stank House were accused of not running trail. This was not entirely true for Rapunzel, who showed up 30 minutes late and followed the trail onto Randall’s Island only to lose trail and call the hotline, run directly to the on in, and arrive 20 minutes before the rest of the pack.
Technology on trail offenses were committed by Rumpy and Depantsipation Proclamation.
The hares were accused of laying trail in non-waterproof materials in the rain. Oops. We’ll blame that on false advertising at the hardware store.
There was shiggy on trail, including a water crossing. Lunch refused to do it, which was deemed to be a trail offense.
Two members of the pack, who shall remain nameless (for no other reason than that I cannot remember their names) decided that they would not be hopping the fence on trail as marked, so they too drank it down down down down…
Lunch was curious about the many “arrows” pressed into the mud, and wondered how those brilliant hares had done that. Well, we didn’t. Those “arrows” were the geese’s footprints as they stepped in their own sh*t. Your hares were not devoted enough to carve actual trail marks into poop. Sorry. Actually, we aren’t sorry. Sorry implies that we did something wrong and would make a different choice in the future. We deny any wrongdoing and in the future will continue to neglect to put trail marks in goose sh*t.
A down down was presented to Taint No Savior as well, for falling ass first into goose poop.
Among the other trail accusations, I accused GIISM of pissing while laying trail, and he reminded me that I also pissed while laying trail, so the hares enjoyed some of GAF’s own brew for our down downs.
Saturday, April 11th is CUNTH’s next trail, with a guest hare from Boston, Twat My Mom. Check the website for details.