What: Winter Wonderland Hash
Pre-lube/On In: Barcade, Union Street Between Aisnie and Powers.
Hare: Turd Dimension
Scribe: Eager for Beaver
* HAZARD TYPES…HEAVY SNOW AND BLOWING SNOW…WITH BLIZZARD CONDITIONS LIKELY.
* ACCUMULATIONS…SNOW ACCUMULATION OF 1 TO 2 FEET…WITH LOCALLY HIGHER AMOUNTS POSSIBLE.
* WINDS…NORTH 20 TO 30 MPH WITH GUSTS UP TO 50 MPH.
So we already knew ahead of time that this trail would be a shit show. Why? Because our Mayor (that’s not a hash committee position), ahead of first snow fall, had already declared that this would be the biggest snowstorm “ever to strike New York City”. So, to extrapolate further, we’d already been warned way in advance that this would be the worst trail of the year. Yet it was even worse.
We have a history in Brooklyn of running regardless of the horrible weather. Back in 2012, we insisted on setting trail during Hurricane Sandy, just because it happened to hit on a Monday. For that trail, we arrived at the on in well in advance of the Gowanus flooding, and invited whoever showed up to following the pre-printed trail around the canal. Fortunately, those attending chose to hang out with the hare rather than run his by-then flooded and no joke life-threatening trail. Unfortunately, tonight’s pack did not choose as wisely.
The pack arrived – all 8 of us – to find the hare was already incredibly loaded. He was also loaded with flour and kool-aid – because the hare, against all good advice but due to the incredible snow storm predicted by local politicians, was going to set a live trail. That would be fine if the hare was experienced with setting live trails, but in this instance Turd Dimension was no Cheeky Bastard, and had never set on – let along the thousand-some-odd live trails that Cheeky has set – in his real life, let along his hashing life.
So the pack gave Turd at least a 15 minute head start. We killed time playing shitty 80s video games, drinking one last beer, and figuring out where we could safely hide our backpacks from the shift looking hard core crew that had ventured out in the snow to occupy our on in during this horrible weather event. Crotcheless Panties – who lives mere blocks away – arrived to with her friend Rachel to – theoretically, since she was reluctant to commit – watch our bags. We had Blackout, who was at the on in on a stag basis, since his better half had already headed to warmer, safer climes, an additional Eric or two, and a Trever.
Head start adequately provided, the pack finally set off. Trail was set in a mixture of flour and red Jell-O. The first mark, just to the right of the start, was easy enough to find. The pack took a left on Ainslee to the first check on Ainlie and Keap. The pack, perhaps unwisely, split up to solve the check, ultimately finding first and second mark south on Keap, close to Grand. As the pack called ‘on two’, someone from one of the falses called for everyone to hold up, because they’d found the hare lost on his own trail. He then dumped his remaining flour at the intersection, in a final, futile “fuck this shit” emotional display.
The pack and hare decided to run an impromptu snowy trail. Cheeky and your scribe lead the pack to Broadway, where we took a left on Montrose, and a left to Union, and then back to the on in (thank god).
Everyone was on their own at the on-in, although we did order a pizza for the group. Circle was held; everyone received a fairly lame down down for something. We all high-tailed our way back to civilization, ahead of the first-ever system-wide shutdown of the entire subway system, in advance of what turned out to be a fairly tame storm.