NYCH3 # 1488
Hares – A lil Dirty & CPA
Start – Peter Dillon’s
On-In – Tabacco Road
DILLON REDEMPTION – EASTERN POINTS – AN EARLY CIRCLE – ANTI-
BROADWAY – PARK & WRECKS – VEILED ENTERPRISE – LIVE & ON STAGE –
PIZZA – A STAR IS BORN
Some time ago, friend, before the Solstice, but well into the warm, glad days, there was
a hash cooked up by CPA and laundered by A Little Dirty, in Manhattan, starting at a
typical Irish-themed midtown pub peopled with tie-wearing d-bags and the doomed
women who follow them. It was in mid-December at this same place (Peter Dillon’s),
you remember, friend, that an on-in took place but that hare set it up so each of us had
to order pints from a single waitress, and the cash ran out before we arrived, so we
found nourishment from a vacating Christmas party that granted us foodstuffs. But this
was different. It was a new start. Hell, it was A start.. All of us who assembled in front of
the place, with fresh $20s from nearby banking centers or ATMs, wore optimistic smiles
because we would be running away from this stinkhole rather than blindly arriving at it.
None of us had a smile to match ALD’s, though. She smiles so brightly, it makes some
of us a bit nervous. What secrets does she hold? Oh, she’s hashed in many exotic
hashes, many oceans away.. what African and Turkish inﬂuences await us? And who is
this assistant, this dark, beautiful man with ivory teeth? Raj?? So clever, ALD.. she out-
sourced the work to India.. and then in-sourced the Inidan. Welcome back, Raj!
The ﬁrst leg of the trail was the typical stretches of straight-aways that mark Midtown
East. We gobbled up blocks like pitchers.. further and further South… and then a check
on 2nd Avenue.. and that is where this reporter (me) in hopes of cooling down, entered
the lobby of the big cinema. This transgression was not unnoticed, and would come
back to haunt me, but I ran on, unaware it’d be my ﬁnal mileage as Just Matt.
Things got interesting near Madison Square Park, where an earlier omen that there’d be
a "kind of a circle thing" took kind of shape. As you know, the hasher’s imagination can
go on hyper-drive when it lacks stimulation or chalk marks. Several of us ﬁlled in the
blanks in our own way, forming a map with a circle in our heads and leading others onto
it in these real streets of summertime hectic leisure and tranquil after-hour business. A
hot dog guy, maybe, tipped one of us in the right direction, and that guy with the
handbills.. he communicated to another group in another way.. which headed another
way… and so they both were right and (what?) each of the groups met up somewhere
west of Broadway and were on-on. Did any of that makes sense? Well, basically,
Canine Fixation led a large group astray because he was certain he had special powers
of clairvoyance or getting lost.
The important thing: we were West. The mystery of this trail was that it traversed such a
wide lateral area, heading North by Northwest.. without the beneﬁt of taking Broadway.
Somehow, we were on 9th Avenue by 8pm. We wet our beaks at a nice little city park
where poor people play. This was a nice stop because we got to rest a bit and joke
around and pet Lexi, the dog, who was running with Doctor Bruce. You’d think it’d be
Canine Fixation who’d mess with Lexi but no. Ow My Balls, who seldom outwardly
reveals jealousy and malice, stomped on the good doctor’s dog. Poor Lexi! Two other
hashers acted up a bit at a fountain shaped like a seal. Just Chris drank water out of its
mouth; and Type A .. well, he HURDLED the seal. You had to see it friend. You’d have
thought it was the Olympics, but see, that was weeks away at this point. Of course, all
three of these animal abusers would pay later .. in down-downs!
Another funny thing that happened on trail involved a beautiful part-time hasher, Just
Jenna. This leggy bombshell set off a commotion by knocking over a mother and child,
and their box of pizza. The child cried. Jenna picked up the box and handed it to the
woman. (Blondes do have more fun! ) Later, this interaction would earn her a down-
down and yet no one would point out any irony as she ate slices of post-circle pizza.
That really ﬁt guy, Jersey Asshole, did some weird impromptu training session with
passersby. Not all strangers welcome his advances; a lesson he learns day in and day
out as a boorish train conductor.. and which we learn every Wednesday. Down Down!
Well gosh, the next thing you know we were eating up blocks again, as you do in
Midtown West.. oh by the way, I forgot we had ran through the High Line. It was pretty
exciting because people walk on it, and don’t expect a group of runners. So it’s very
exciting. It created the expected 1-2 : walker: ‘hey, what’s going on, you’re not
supposed…’ hasher: ‘heee heee… isn’t it nuts? join us, lol!‘
So we’re on this straightaway by the beautiful Hudson. The river is smiling.. and so we
should’ve known we’d see the Great Smiler.. ALD and Company, in the shadow of the
Intrepid Museum. The shuttle Enterprise was sheathed near the stern, ready for her big
debut the following week. We drank Gatorade and some liquor and watched the setting
sun. Oh what Glory! And then we ran to the On In. It was right near Port Authority, so it
was pretty scummy. We ﬁt right in, all 40 of us tired, sweaty, time/space travelers,
welcomed by our Queen and the Bookkeeper, and the Indian, and pitchers pitchers
pitchers of beer. Oh, and there’s Lexi bringing up the rear. DFL for the very ﬁrst time!
Welp, in dog years.. it was even a worse ﬁnish time. She drank water and was forgiven.
There was a full back room music area that, according to posters, has music every night
of the week. But not this night. The stage was used for other purposes.. During the
Circle, BJ n the Blowback manned the dormant drum set, adding some punch to the
punch lines. It really was a ﬁne circle. Some people tried to ruin it by talking amongst
themselves. They were: Doggy Eructis, Crouching, Gabe the Babe. But on such a night,
when all is going well, and is placed in a great place.. well, a few chowder heads can’t
ruin that. Not when there’s a Naming. Oh yes. I, formerly Just Matt, was given a name
because I went into the movie theater. A wise hasher came up with the name "Matinee"
based on movies.. Great pun. But a more experienced hasher improved upon the name
by inserting a trailing "anus."
The hares were made to drink only as a toast, a salute to excellence. What a fine night.
Neither the trail nor on-in were Turkish influenced, and yet were full of delights; not
African inspired, but left us wanting Moor.
Even the newcomers fit right in. The Virgins were: Faye and Sam. Welcome!! Visitors
were: Raj, i1 tequila, 2 tequila, 3 tequila, whore, Just Jessica ; Snake Bite.