Start: Houston and Forsythe
On-In: Double Down Saloon (Houston and Avenue A)
Hare: Technically Foul and Porno Putz
Scribe: Finger F**ked
As the pack gathered for trail, we watched as a hawk devoured a pigeon. Little did we know that’s what the trail we were set to run would do to the pack.
Technically Foul warned the pack that trail was 5 miles, if you didn’t do any checking… and with that, we were off. Some twists and turns were had through the East Village/LES, and the pack came to a check at the base of the Williamsburg Bridge. Surely the trail must go to Brooklyn, thought the pack, so over the bridge we went. Barnacle ran right past the YBF in the middle of the bridge and all the way across, while the rest of us turned around. Once we found trail again, we ran and ran and ran and ran.
I won’t belabor the point any further, but you could use any of the below adjectives to describe trail:
•(c) What trail?
•(d) Completely unnecessary
•(e) Delightful, well marked, and not too challenging (hares only)
Slowly the pack staggered in to the Double Down Saloon for some needed defrosting and to drink away the memories of trail.
The hares, for a spectacularly (insert your own adjective here) trail (hymn)
Visitors, I assure you trails are normally not this (insert your own adjective here). Usually. (brother hasher)
Barnacle, for not understanding the YBF halfway across the Williamsburg Bridge means you turn around. And it’s not because you’re so fast you didn’t see it (not number 5)
Just Matt, for hurdling over a parking meter like a track and field star (what a wank)
Pimpy Long Stockings, who was forced to sit all alone in the park on his birthday, because of the hares (insert your own adjective here) trail. So sad. (happy birthday, f*ck you!)
The hares, for setting a trail that made Pimpy sit all on his own (S.H.I.T.T.Y)
The overachieving bastards who ran back to the drink check to keep Pimpy company (this is your downdown song)
Nads on Film, for something terribly offensive I’m sure (he’s the meanest)
Ed Lunch, for not understanding the meaning of domestic beer. Last I checked, Ireland is not part of the 50 states, so you can’t have Guinness. (bimbo)
AOTW went to Technically Foul. While Porno Putz can be forgiven for this (insert your own adjective) trail as a first time hare’s mistake, there’s no excuse for her!
I left to catch the last part of the Jets/Patriots game with the sound on, leaving the memories of today’s trail far behind.