NYCH3 #1407 – 9th Annual Birthday Riddle Hash
Start: 136th and St. Nicholas
On-In: Bar East (1st Ave between 89th and 90th)
Hare: Mickey Mouth and her Mouthketeers
Scribe: Finger F**ked
(Q) In early January, what annual run befuddles hashers with limited trivia knowledge of Manhattan?
(A) Mickey Mouth’s Birthday Riddle Hash
You know those days where nothing goes right and your brain just won’t start working, no matter how much coffee you may try to drink? I had one of those mornings, and thus began to dread the Sunday Hash, since Mickey Mouth was setting her annual brainbuster trail (or a standard trail set by Dave "Too" Long). Smartphone in hand, Mickey gave the riddlers instructions, some hints (don’t think too hard being the one I remember), and promised to have the hotline set. And the pack was off with the first clue:
(Q) Where you must walk your horses (and strive to keep them walking)
(A) 138th between Powell Jr. and F. Douglass – Striver’s Row
There was some disagreement in the pack as to where, precisely Striver’s Row was. After deciding on 138th, the group gingerly ran over ice and snow until it came upon one of the entrances to the Striver’s Row alleyway which included the instructions to walk our horses. In chalk below was our next clue:
(Q) It’s Showtime!
(A) 125th and F. Douglas – Apollo Theater
Immediately the pack darted off to the Apollo Theater, as this may have been the easiest clue of the day. The street vendors on 125th seemed pretty amused with us too. Directly out front, the clue:
(Q) Where to get some vittles
(A) Lenox Ave between 126th and 127th – Sylvia’s
Sylvia’s is the best place for vittles in all of Harlem, so I am told. So off to Sylvia’s we were, where we encountered the exhortation:
(Q) Crack is Wack!
(A) 128th and 2nd Ave – Keith Haring Crack is Wack Park
Crack is Wack Park contains a large 2 sided mural painted by Keith Haring during the worst of the crack epidemic during the 90s.
(Q) How to get to the Clinton’s or FAD?
(A) 125th and Park – Metro North Station
(Q) All along the watchtower.
(A) 122nd and 5th – Marcus Garvey Park
Here’s where I may have thought too hard – I started googling for where the Jehovah’s Witness hall was in Harlem and got myself separated. Once I looked up from my phone and saw the tower in Marcus Garvey Park (and the riddle helpfully solved by a FRB), I realized the error of my ways and scrambled to catch up. Once we climbed all the way to the top, the next clue:
(Q) Eurythmics’ singer and how many ears was the Hundred Year’s War?
(A) 116th and Lenox
Sent us down Lenox Avenue. There was some disagreement about exactly how long the war was, but it had to be on Lenox, right? Turns out the 100 Year’s War is actually a series of wars that lasted for 116 years between two royal houses for the French throne. Outside of the subway station, the next clue led us to:
(Q) Malcolm Little Meets Santa Claus
(A) 111th and Lenox
The meeting of Malcom X and St. Nicholas, where near the subway station we found the clue:
(Q) Donde este el arte?
(A) 105th and 5th – Museo Del Barrio
The pack opted to run through the park, and upon exit we found the Moutketeers Noah’s Dingy and US Marine Whore, who had some of the most delicious drink check I’ve ever sampled. No clues were written, but USMW and ND told us to go where:
(Q) If Moses got sick?
(A) 98th and 5th – Mt. Sinai Hospital
R*nning down 5th Avenue, close inspections under every awning at Mt. Sinai were being performed until the group found the following clue:
(Q) Mouth’s new age x 2, plus 15, and Superman’s nemesis
(A) 93rd and Lexington
Too much math! After some disagreement among the group (since math is hard, Barbie), off to 93rd and Lex to find what we hoped would be close to the on in…
(Q) Unjumble: BE A STAR!
(A) 90th and 1st – Bar East (on-in)
Oh hooray! The on-in! The birthday girl! And deformed cake! (more on that later)
Once inside, defrosted, and full of beer, the circle of shenanigans began:
The hares, and her mouthketeers, for a challenging trail (Hymn to the Hares)
A visitor, C*nt R*nner, from the Beijing Boxer Hash (Brother Hasher)
Virgins, who I am sure will never be back (Here’s to the Virgins)
Finger F**ked, for tripping all over a plastic bag for a few blocks (ed note: totally fair) (She’s Alright)
Finger F**ked again, for falling down some stairs (ed note: also fair. I’m accident prone) (Down Down Song)
Smashmouth, for needing to use the restroom so bad he had to buy a pack of gum at a gas station, and then being short the requisite $20 for hash cash due to said gum purchase (His One Skin)
Devo, for being doomed to repeat his history of tripping over a piece of ice twice, since he didn’t learn from it the first time (BIMBO)
Mean Jean, for producing a cake that mimicked the San Andreas fault line in its cracked glory (What a Wank)
Dogface, for being unable or unwilling to see pink chalk
Doggie Erectus was AOTW since he never listens to the circle, which results in him following up with the JMs later in the week if the note’s aren’t clear. I’d like to point out I never do that J
Pizza, cake, candy, and football entertained a hyped up group for the remainder of the evening. Too full of San Andreas cake for more beer, I headed out into the night with a good sugar buzz instead.