Knickerbocker Hash House Harriers #25
Wednesday 10 November 2010
Start: Merchant’s Gate – Columbus Circle
On-In: Dublin House
Hares: Crawl-a-holic and Just Peter T.
Scribe: Mickey Mouth
From KH3 and New York City, this is, Wait Wait Don’t Tell me the On In! The KH3 write up. I’m Wet Connection and here’s your host, Mickeeeeeeyyyyyyy Mouth (the crowd ROARS!!)
“Thank you WC, and thanks everybody. We had such a fantastic time here last year, we thought, what the heckaroo, let’s do it again! We got a great write up for you today. We’ll be talking about the trail, the on-in, the foibles and peccadilloes and hilarity that ensued. So give us a call at 212-HASHNYC. It’s time to welcome our first listener-contestant.”
“Hi Mouth, I’m Yank It from NYC.”
“Yank It, Welcome. You sound British.”
“Indeed. You have quite an ear for the obvious.”
“Don’t the British have a dry sense of humor? ”
“Actually, Mouth, we use pounds and pence…”
Silence. The crowd ROARS!
“Oh, so we are going to get Riel are we!? (some of the audience chuckles). That’s Riel folks, R-I-E-L. (audience bursts out lauging!). Ok, welcome to the show. Let me introduce you to our panel. You don’t want to be on her bad side when she’s in a ‘don’t draw me any sunflowers’ mood…and she can be seen with the UPSmen doing What can Brown does…it’s Mean Jean the Down Down Machine!!” (Applause!)
“Also say hello to our Man in the Sheets…spread sheets that is. And there is living proof of that. Say hello to Just Rich!” (Applause!)
“And finally, to man who believes that men like huge gazongas because they remind men of strippers…it’s Noah’s Dinghy!!” (Applause!)
“Yank It, welcome to the show. You are going to play Who’s WC This Time? WC will read you 3 quotations from the hash. Your job is to correctly identify or explain 2 of them. If you do that you win WC’s voice on the next hotline you set. Ready to play?”
“Blimey, let’s toddle on!”
“Well, ok, here is your first quote.”
Wet Connection: “I wanna sex you up.”
“Well, cheers WC, but what is the quote?” (the audience laughs!)
“No, Yank It, that is the quote. Who, after getting down on one knee, sang this to a fevered Mean Jean?”
“Well, probably said late by a rat arsed Hasher. Let’s see….Speedo? Too Long?”
“Oh, no, I’m sorry. This was sung by Pimpy Longstockings after someone mentioned Color Me Badd.”
“Here’s your next quote. Wet Connection?
Wet Connection :“We met for our first date and she said, so what are we doing. And I said, I don’t know. And we’ve been together eversince!”
“That’s got to be the ever-romantic Noah’s Dinghy!”
“Indeed, you are right! Well done! Your final quote was heard late late at night as the person stumbled out of the bar.”
“I’m a freak in a lot of things, shlum theither fsttff purtgh….”
“Oh, that must be either Just Steve or Just Matt.”
“It is Just Steve AND Just Matt. You are right!!! WC, how did Yank It do?”
“He wins Mouth!!! 2 correct answers!” (Applause!)
“Well done Yank It. Congratulations!”
“Ta.”
“OK, right now panel, it’s time to answer some questions about this week’s hash. Mean Jean, the hash was a Knickerbocker H3 but what did it say at the start?
“oh, naughty, naughty, Crawl-a-holic and Peter put down YNCH3, whatever that means!”
“Right! Just Rich, who played chicken with a NYC bus?”
“Hmmm, Joe Penn? Tit-Totaller? I can’t remember.”
“No, I’m sorry, it was Fast American Dave! And Noah’s Dinghy, weather like this, it is difficult to figure out what to wear. The hash had two lovely ladies, one wore not enough and one wore just right. Who were they?”
“Lovely ladies? On the hash? I don’t know any. Ok, but seriously, I don’t know any…..(silence)….Ok, well, I would have to say my wife but she wasn’t there. Was it Hot Rod and NY Cock Exchange?
“Oh no, I am sorry! It was Trips&Balls and Leggs Lesley!! Ok, thank you everybody. Now it’s time to play Bluff the Listener. Call 1-212-HASHNYC to play the game. Hi, you’re on Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me the On In. “
“Hi, this is Offensive Discharge from Denver. You can call me Off-Disc.”
“Hello, Off-Disc. Denver, huh, how is Denver nowadays?”
“Crazy. Heat advisory one day, snow storm the next.”
“So you have your ups and downs.” (the audience roars!)Ok, welcome! You are going to play the game where you have to tell the truth from fiction. WC, what is Off-Disc’s topic”
“10 November Knickerbocker Hash.”
“Hi, Off-Disc, this is Mean Jean. Fire in the Pie Hole has many talents. We have all watched in awe as he balanced haggis on his nose. We have all nodded affirmatively as he says something Scottish that we don’t understand, etc etc etc. A man of many talents. But few people, nay, maybe one or two know that FITPH is a well sought after voice over actor. It’s true! (the audience ohhs, ahhs). In fact, his claim to fame, and you are all going to kick yourself for not seeing it sooner, is the highly acclaimed soothing “Hot Pockets” at the end of the TV commercials.
“Cheers Off-Disc, this is Just Rich. It was an over-decade battle. In the late 90’s, a young sweet lady hasher joined the NYC hashes. She always enjoyed the hash and had a lot of fun but so often she wondered if she was actually on a hash. Hardly anyone wore hash shirts so it was hard to determine if it was indeed a hash or just a fun run. But on 10 November 2010 an extraordinary aligning of the stars happened. She looked around and what did she see? Hash shirts? Shut yo’ mouth! But indeed! All kinds, all colors, all creeds. Even on Peter!!! It was a beautiful thing and brought a tear to her eye.
“Hey, Off-Disc, this is Noah’s Dinghy. Is a party really a party without Crazy Bob? NYC Hash scientists pondered this question. Does the chemical make-up of a hash change when Crazy Bob arrives or is it just that he arrives later in the night after gallons of crap beer have been down-downed. The scientists discussed how to design an experiment but came to an obstacle too difficult to overcome. If they were to set up a control, the hashers would have to be sober when Crazy Bob arrives. The scientists threw up their hands, unimaginable! They all yelled.”
“All right, let’s review your choices. FITPH voice over from Mean Jean, Hash Shirt Miracle by Just Rich or Crazy Bob Party Maker by Noah’s Dinghy.”
“Well, Mouth. Hmmm. First, there is no way in HELL that NYC hashers wear hash shirts, so that is off the table. Also, Scientists on the hash? I don’t think so. FITPH does have a nice soothing hot pockets voice…so I will pick the first one.
“Alright, we spoke to a hasher that witnessed the event….”
“I was reading the write up from the last KH3 when the incredibly talented scribe mentioned that hashers should wear hash shirts. So I did. And I got to the hash and everyone, well, almost, were wearing hash shirts!! I couldn’t believe it. I was telling everyone on the train on my way home.”
“That was Punch Ass Bitch! I’m sorry Off-Disc, you did not win the game but you won a point for Just Rich!! (applause!). Now it’s time for the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you would like to play, send me a message on the KH3 FB page. Hi! You are on Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me!”
“Hi, this is Just Marie from the UES.”
“Hi Marie, how’s it going?”
“Great. I kicked butt in the marathon and I’m almost a licensed massager!”
“Wow, touching! But did we really knead to know all that? (crowd goes nuts!) Welcome to the show Marie! WC is going to read you 3 hash related limericks with the last word missing from each. If you can fill in the word correctly, you will be a winner! Ready to go?”
“Lay it on me!”
“The bar was good, who chose? Because the menu was not for you nose. It said there were chips, with salsa and dips, but the menu listed only ______”
“hmmm, mozzarella sticks?”
“noooo…it was ‘nuchos’! Haha!! ‘Nuchos’ was listed as an item on the menu.
“His mouth was kind of leaky, he couldn’t keep shut his beaky. He ratted them out, for a down down no doubt. But instead it went to bastard o’ ______”
“That’s got to be Cheeky!! Cheeky Bastard!”
“Yes, well done Marie!”
“There once was a hasher who liked to frolic, but sometimes she was melancholic. She thought east was west, as Peter could attest, her name is ________
“What? So easy. Crawl-a-holic!” (applause!)
“You are right!!! WC, how did Marie do on your quiz?”
“Marie wins our prize Mouth. She had 2 correct answers.” (applause!)
“Now we will finish up the show by asking the panel, how will KH3’s third year be? But first Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me The On-In is proudly supported by the KH3 and written, produced and punned by Mickey Mouth. Now Panel, how will year three be?
“So nice, that KH3 shirts will be worn even outside the hash!”
“So awesome that Just Steve and Just Matt will remember all the stupid shit they say even when they are drunk.”
“So great, that’s the KH3 is run by only 5 people…oh wait, it’s already that great!”
“THIS is KH3, Knickerbocker Hash House Harriers.”