Annual General Meeting
October 4, 2009
Hares: FMIG, The Saint, and Headlights
Scribe: Canine Fixation
After a 1+ hour train trip, I arrived around 3pm at the start to see a sparsely attended start mark. This was not particularly surprising seeing that the trail was set way out in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn at the end of the R line and that it was after the GGFM RGM/BH3 AGM 9 bar pubcrawl. Eventually, a sizable group of people arrived, some noticeably more light sensitive than others.
After a rambling stream-of-consciousness chalk-talk that involved a heated debate as to the proper form of a checkback, the hares set us off. The trail led us through many parts of Bay Ridge, up along the shore, and through various parks and suburban neighborhoods. There were times where I got flashbacks to the Bay Ridge leg of the epic Tour de Brooklyn earlier during the summer. After about 3.5 miles, we arrived at Skibar where we were welcomed with cheap ($2.50 pints) and tasty beer (a monster of a tap lineup full of microbrews). Circle was called and FMIG and The Saint took their last opportunity to dish out abuse together:
– Hares The Saint, FMIG, and Headlights for their shitty ass trail.
– Sorry, What? and USMH (sic) for haring the previous night’s pub crawl through Greenpoint.
– Visitors and virgins for choosing to show up the one few Sunday BH3 (one of the visitors left before circle).
– Sari for complaining on trail after arriving 10 minutes pass the 30 minutes delayed start of the trail and taking pictures on trail.
– Ed Lunch for something. I forget and the notes are not clear, so I’ll leave it to the reader’s imagination. What’s the worst that could’ve happened?
– Blackout for being too embarrassed to get money from an ATM while wearing his devil horns.
– Smashmouth, in his typical British fashion, accused FMIG of misspelling the Whore in USMW with an H. Don’t remember if a down-down was actually given.
An unusually large number of namings commenced:
– Jeff was named Porno Putz for his enthusiastic showing of some mind-bending 3D porn on his iPhone the week before (complete with 3D glasses!).
– Jess was named Death Breast for keeping an ID in her bra. In case she dies on trail.
– P-Dicky was re-renamed Whoremaster yet again. Apparently this was not the first renaming of P-Dicky, so we’ll see how long this sticks.
The much awaited AGM award followed afterwards:
– Best Virgin: Barnacle and Death Breast tied for both of their enthusiasm.
– Couple of the Year: Blackout and Screaming Orgasm (who was substituted by none other than Smashmouth). Other nominees were USMW+Noah’s Dinghy and FMIG+Technically Foul.
– Worst Trail of the Year: Fluffy, the grandfather of the BH3 for putting up a “trail” marked by stickers. Other nominees were Whoremaster’s 8 treks across the Gowanus and Nipsicle/Sandy Syphilis’s ball-buster of a trail in the dead of winter.
– AOTY was deferred since that asshole Jason moved to Hahvahd.
FMIG, with the help of the circle, gave a send-off to The Saint for his years of service as JM with a rousing and enthusiastic (and a cappella due to technical difficulties) rendition of Kenny Loggins’ Through the Years. The new committee was then introduced:
Beer Bitch: Technically Foul
Trail Mistress: Screaming O
Haberdasherers: Death Breast and Barnacle
On-Sex: USMW, Trader Blows, Canine Fixation
Hareraisers: Dogface, Sandy Syphilis
Fluffer: Sorry, What?
Religious Advisor: Noah’s Dinghy
Whoremaster (the position not the hasher): The Saint
Joint Masters: FMIG and Headlights
Pizza was served as the beer kept flowing. There were even attempts at dancing (or at least the flailing about of limbs) when the jukebox started playing Metallica and Iron Maiden. The hash cash lasted well into the night as the merry band celebrated the end of an error.