Run # 426 /September 21, 2008
Hares: FMIG and P-Dicky
On-In: East River
Scribe: Just Laurel
Is there any place more appropriate to start a Brooklyn Hash than Manhattan? Yes, probably. And is there any explanation for the fact that the first mile of the Brooklyn Hash was in Manhattan? Yes, FMIG set it.
The trail started at the Brooklyn Bridge, but we should have known better – especially given it was the AGM, a time to celebrate a year of general mayhem and trail fuckery. Hashers fought tooth and nail to get through the crowded streets of Chinatown, and I briefly wondered if this was part of the plan to remind us why we were celebrating the Brooklyn Hash. Then I scoffed at myself for thinking our hares that insightful.
The Williamsburg Bridge was a welcomed site (unless of course you were ready for the beer already). Less welcomed were the series of twists, turns, circle jerks, and double-headed arrows that awaited the BH3 loyalists, courtesy of P Dicky. After several miles of winding through Hasidic neighborhoods on a humid day, it was bittersweet when the trail ended at East River bar, just a few feet from the Williamsburg Bridge. But a couple beers and a fired up grill cured any feelings of malcontent.
The circle was called and the Saint named the offenders. In an advanced state of intoxication, FMIG decided to help by lying on the ground and shouting incoherently slurred accusations:
· The Saint, FMIG and P-Dicky for their respective sections of the trail
· Headlights and House of Weenies for manning the grill – ask Headlights about her weener!
· James and US Marine Whore, and their pub crawl love child for haring the pub crawl… but Karen and love child weren’t there so their drinks were assigned to stunt doubles
· Virgins and first-time visitors to the Brooklyn hash, most of whom will probably never return
· Donakabob for wearing shorts that left very little to the imagination
· P-Dicky for claiming he changed the direction of the trail (hence the double-headed arrows) after witnessing a Brooklynite taking a circle jerk a little too literally
· Phil for being a dirty garbage picker
· Fast American Dave for running across the Brooklyn Bridge and still beating everyone to the on-in
Then came the highly-anticipated AGM awards:
· Wet Connection Best Flack Award: Joe Pennsylvania for receding emails
· Best Virgin: Drag Hag for continuing to repeat offend the Brooklyn Hash despite her better judgment
o Runner up: Colin for be so bold as to name a fellow hasher C*ntcake, who accepted the award in his absence
· Worst Virgins: Eager 4 Beaver and Lauren for shamelessly plugging the hash to the press and unleashing a plague of virgins
· Worst Trail: The debacle in the thunderstorm set by Glen and Sorry, What. Nina was a hapless victim in this and was given a chance to randomly abuse someone. She immediately turned on FMIG for this favor.
Finally, we toasted Eager 4 Beaver and Whoremaster for their service and dedication to the BH3 committee, and then asked them to leave. The new committee was told they ought to be publically pissed on.
Sergeant at Arms: AARPenis
Whoremaster: Noah’s Dinghy
On Secs: Riding Big Jake, House of Weenies, Just Laurel
Haberdashers: Drag Hag and Headlights
Fluffer: Sorry, What?
JMs: The Saint and FMIG
Here’s to another year of Brooklyn hashing and all that it entails!