July 16, 2008
Hares: Fawn and US Marine Whore
Start: 35th and 5th
On In: Flannery’s Bar
“There’s plenty of hooking up going on. Frankly, we love getting new people because it can get a bit incestuous.”
In case you’re not regularly reading your award-winning New York publications and therefore don’t recognize the opening quote, I’m happy to reveal our girl Lauren, one of the NYC joint masters, as the author. From what I understand, Time Out’s article about getting buzzed and hooking up struck a horny chord in many New Yorkers, and the pack at July 9th’s hash was, even by Manhattan standards, uh, quite sizeable. The pack’s size decreased only slightly this week, which could mean a lot of things, not least of all, that the increase of hash cash from a reasonable $15 to a whopping $20 perturbed the virgins who’d been hoping to get some for mere street change.
Still there were lots of virgins, lots of folks whose r*nning stamina seemed questionable (my, I wonder what that says about bedroom endurance?), or maybe it was just the damn NYC summer humidity that contributed to the overall lack of energy on trail.
Thank God we got the hell out of Herald Sq. and away from the drove of after-work folks heading to Macy’s and Forever 21. We r*n east, or maybe it was west. Admittedly, I remember locations based on area restaurants, which allows me to say with certainty that at one point, we r*n on 19th Street between 7th and 8th because I made a mental note of a place advertising Japanese fried chicken wings.
Our attempts to actually r*n through Chelsea Market were thwarted by security, but I think most of us relished the break and the a/c. Once we made it out, we r*n through the Meatpacking district, where we dripped sweat on all of the pretty (read: fake) people dining outdoors. I’d say most of us ran into trouble staying on trail on the edge of the West Village, shortly after r*nning past Shoegasm (ok, so I can do location by restaurants *and* shoe stores), and coming to yet another check.
We had to be close, and thankfully, we were, for there’s nothing worse than being close and then not coming…to the on-in!
At Flannery’s, we were given mini servings of beer served out of pitchers that brought to mind children and their plastic kitchen toys. On the upside, at least the male virgins who had shown up with high hopes probably wouldn’t be facing any performance issues.
The circle was called, and the following down-downs were given:
-The hares, of course. Why so many checks?
– Gabe the Babe. Apparently, he was multi-tasking: running and promising his wife (by way of cell phone) that, yes, he’d be happy to stop for eggs and milk on the way home.
-The Virgin Sari. Although she’d been trying to come for six years, Sari finally came on July 16th, 2008. Bravo, sweetie!
-Blackout. Because he is living in 2009 while the rest of us suckers are stuck in 2008. Brilliant. Say, I wonder if he can look into the future and tell us where next week’s on-in is going to be? Or better yet, who we’re going to hook up with 5 weeks from now?
-John Carey (for his last NYC hash), Jason, AOTW. Shoot, I don’t remember, so anxious was I trying to procure more beer. Oh, right. I had a face off with someone whose name I don’t know, and he was, by pretty much unanimous pack decision, determined to be AOTW.
We ate pizza and drank beer, and I went home and baked chocolate chip cookies, which doesn’t, I’m afraid, support Time Out’s sexy portrayal of the Hash.