NYCH3 #1265 – A.G.M.
Date: Saturday, May 10, 2008
Hares: The Committee
Start/On-In: Blackstone’s Pub
Scribe: Noah’s Dinghy
Just A Drinker Now: An Elegy for Jumpin’ Jack Gash in Four Parts
Part I: Jumpin’ Jack Gash is no longer a JM of the New York City Hash.
Part II: Eager4Beaver is still a JM of the New York City Hash.
Part III: Lauren is now the other JM of the New York City Hash. And there was much rejoicing.
Part IV: All of this took place last weekend as part of the A.G.M. festivities. The weekend kicked off in proper fashion with a pub crawl through Greenwich Village, led by FMIG, Doggy Style, and House of Weiners. Everyone got soaked in the rain. Much alcohol was consumed. Junky Monkey almost got in a fight with a visitor, or said visitor was trying to make out with him, it was a little hard to tell. No one was arrested for tossing flour on the sidewalks.
The following day brought the hash itself, where we started and ended at what Joe Pennsylvania would refer to as a “venerable hash bar,” Blackstone’s. Fun fact, at the A.G.M. two years ago, Pussy Repellent felt up a waitress, though he claimed to not have been looking and thought it was Cockstar. What this says about his now-fiancee I have no idea, but it really speaks to how good the folks at Blackstone’s are that they let us return after just a one-year moratorium.
Remarkably, the committee managed to assemble a damn fine trail for the large number of hashers who appeared on a fine spring day. We r*n past a police raid on a massage parlor (though that may not have been planned), and the cops were nice enough not arrest us while they were at it, then continued on in a westerly manner until the trail inevitably led us into Central Park. Dodging tourists and baby strollers all the way, we exited near Columbus Circle, then started back east, through several buildings including Grand Central, until we came to the promised land: a Jello shot check. I downed several, but a number of hashers had several more. From there, it was a short jaunt back to the on-in, for the consumption of lots and lots of beer.
This being the A.G.M., there were prizes to give out. Smashmouth Award went to Ed Lunch for too many spills to mention, though there was a strong vote for Kendra’s recent misfortune on a hospital-themed hash. Dave Hardy once again beat back all challengers to win Father of the Year. Sideshow Bob obviously knew he wouldn’t win, as he didn’t even bother to show. Couple of the Year was awarded to Smashmouth, a.k.a. DBB, and FMIG. Just picture them together. Now try to gouge out your eyes from the inside. In the most predictable vote since Reagan/Mondale, John Carey took Worst Trail of the Year for his midsummer half-marathon through Queens. Given that this trail came just a week after we all r*n eight miles up the West Side Highway courtesy of Dave Arthur, it’s a miracle John lived to accept his award, a map and a strap-on. Finally, Asshole of the Year went to the Red Dress Committee, who never appear for any hashes but that one, and this past year, bailed before everyone reached the on-in. Salt Lick, who may or may not be on the RDR committee now, served as their stand-in. By the way, for those of you filled out ballots, I hope it’s obvious by now that your votes were never counted. Now you know what it feels like to be an old lady in Miami.
Down-downs were also given out: the virgins of course, many of whom were inspired by our recent appearance in AM New York. (Note to you virgins: that reporter was an idiot – the bar we start at is called a pre-lube, we end at an on-in, and there no such thing as an “in-in.” And we’re a “drinking club with a r*nning problem,” not the other way around.) There was but one visitor, a fellow named Growie from Perth Australia, who has been hashing since 1969, which is the same year my parents married. Dave Hardy, whose been hashing just a few years less than that, got one for not knowing what a speed check is. Headlights was made to drink for falling flat on her face just yards from the start.
With all of that out of the way, the new committee was announced: Fire in the Piehole, Tit-totaler, Fast American Dave, Joey P, Noah’s Dinghy, Empress Norma, Blackout, Doggy Style, FMIG, Hot Rod, Eager4Beaver, and Lauren. You can look up their respective titles on the website. The announcement that JJG would no longer serve on the committee was met with stunned silence. Or rather a brief shrug of the shoulders followed by everyone talking amongst themselves. But, given that a number of hashers in attendance had joined the NYCH3 during his tenure, it seemed appropriate the JJG be given a memorial down-down. Which he was. And then we all drank some more. A lot. Which was good, because there was precious little food. But the fact that where was lots of beer made up for it. And at the end of the day, isn’t that how that it should be?