Brooklyn Hash House Harriers
March 15, 2004
Hare: John Burke (British But Not a Dave: B2ND)
Trail Name: Catch My Blue Marks if You Can or
The Let’s Do A Surprise Brooklyn Half Marathon Hash
On In: Brooklyn Tavern (Last seen on Fluffy’s Bye-Bye Tour)
Scribe: The Saint
A British Cluck
Got a spare hour buddy? Not enough unless you’re really fast for this semi-half-marathon BH3 run sprung upon us by a veteran hasher – please don’t ask how long as we definitely take the utmost care not to embarrass anyone especially Hares in this journal.
The good news was that it was reasonably warm allowing us to run in shorts, preferably Tejas versions if you’ve got’em but comfortable while walking nonetheless which clearly many did.
That was it for the good news.
This run allowed the BH3 a veritable tour of virtually every neighborhood in which we customarily run in this fine borough: Metrotech; Park Slope; The Heights; Carroll Gardens (sounds like New Jersey or Oh No! Queens to me); and I believe Billyburg. We neglected for some strange reason Brighton Beach, Greenpoint and Bay Ridge likely because John has hydrophobia. And what can we say abut the Bag Hag affiliated with said run? One might – if he or she really wished hard – that the JM would show better judgment to be associated with such a character but then again *$%& is blind – or at least pretty damn nearsighted.
Speaking of eyesight, nary a Hasher was able to see the Blue Marks. Perhaps when John got to the chalk store or the chalk cupboard, it was bare ex. Blue – nice planning. The first foreshadow of this was early into the run – very close to a Bobby Station negating any chance to relieve oneself – when the entire pack spent considerable time speculating, gesticulating, articulating etc., etc. before Stacie I believe (before she started whining about trail length) found a real (blue) mark heading left. That was only the beginning.
Your scribe actually enjoyed the long run although it was tiring towards the end. (Apparently I was the exception considering the bitching at the On In an hour and one-half after most of the pack arrived). I crossed whatever thoroughfare that leads to the Brooklyn Bridge and at that point halfway expected to go over the Brooklyn Bridge to an On In in The Real Apple, but alas we kept going. And I mean we as Stephen having called in (Mr. Statistics how many weeks in a row?) eventually caught up with me about one kilometre – Your Saint is VERY empirical — from the finish after the BN scrawl. Seems he got tired or whatever after his limit of 45 minutes and sought relief. How do you spell relief? 212-HASH-NYC!
This run fortunately caused a trio of virgins and visitors to lose it in Brooklyn – Mary, a true virgin; Martin Bacon a visitor from Slovakia or somewhere; and ???? from Bicester (somewhere else in Britain). I suppose she heard about the British Daves or the myth that someone – likely another Brit repeated at the start that “JB ALWAYS sets good trails.” As they say in Brooklyn: OY!
The pub is a keeper as the bartendress was friendly and service-oriented; there was cask ale; the locals withstood the customary Hash shenanigans; and it was nice and cozy on a warm, exhausting Brooklyn Monday eve. Actually Well Done.
A British Yuck
While we’re poking fun at those friendly, lovable chaps from across the Pond, here’s a funny direct from the Mother Country concerning that most important topic: SEX EDUCATION. It is possible that many a (ALL?) British Hasher(S) could claim this happened to them:
The Birds and The Bees
A father asked his 11-year-old son if he knew about the birds and the bees.
“I don’t want to know!” the child said, bursting into tears.
“Promise me you won’t tell me.” Confused, the father asked what was wrong.
“Oh Dad,” the boy sobbed, “when I was 6, I got the “There’s no Santa speech, At 7 I got the “There’s no Easter Bunny speech. When I was 8, you it me with the “There’s no Tooth Fairy speech.
“If you tell me that grown-ups don’t really shag each other, I’ll have nothing to live for!”
MAKE A British Dave CONTRIBUTION: EMAIL ME WITH ALL THE DIRT ON ANY OF THE BDs OR SIMPLY MAKE SOMETHING UP – NO ONE WILL KNOW!