Date: 19th March 2006
Start: St Patrick’s Cathedral
Hares: Basil & Loretta
On-in: Dive 75 (75th & Columbus)
Today we welcome readers to the first in a new series of trips down Memory Lane, from the Department of Repetitiveness and Plagiarism, called “Classics in Scribing”.
Today’s Classic is from R*n #1096, St. Patrick’s Day, 2005 written by the eloquent Queen of the Write-Up, Mary Molly Margaret O’Cockstar. There’s no need to over-analyse the prose, quite frankly it speaks for itself. It demonstrates Cockstar’s versatility as she so adeptly takes on the persona of an Irish woman. Take this passage for example:
“when the first mark was called out heading north up 5th Avenue, a sharp cry fer beer arose and the pack took off like a bunch o’ randy leprechauns.
“Off we went towards the southern end o’ the Park; into and around the lake, hootin’ and hollerin’ like the bunch o’ thirsty dr*nks we are or aspire to be. The front r*unning bastards were fooled into climbing up and around a huge rock, which let us fat bastards catch up. Funny, don’t t’really [sic] remember many checks on this trail, but have it on good infermation that there were some.”
Or these immortal lines:
“Then, fer those o’ us who were mor’ interested in drinkin’ beer than r*nning, we were mightily pissed (and, unfertunately, I don’t mean dr*nk), when the trail headed east over to the boat pond. Fer Chrisssakes Basil, bloody hell, give us dr*nks a break! Again the FRB McSpeedy Boys were seen r*nning haplessly in circles” Or how about this beauty: “I said four Hail Mary’s and started to head east out o’ the Park, when Kyle Fiztkerry (or was it Kerry Fiztkyle) stopped me and said trail headed west towards the Great Lawn. Past the Great Lawn we were directed up the stairs to Sears Castle and, again, the McSpeedy Boys were mismanaged into the Rambles.”
The description of the trail ends with the factual denouement:
“The pack left the Park […] and headed south and then west to our favorite Irish pub, Dive 75.”
You might think that this critique was an underhand tactic aimed at reducing the amount of original thinking I’d have to do in authoring the write-up…and you’d be right. This idleness, however, was matched by that of our hares today who, as an underhand tactic aimed at reducing the amount of original thinking required to lay a trail, just set the same trail they set last year.
What did they think? That hashers have the memories of goldfish because the alcohol has addled our brains? Oh…err…okay, fair point.
As luck would have it, however, the Downs Downs offered some respite from the predictability of the day. The only sense of déjà vu at this point was the order of events, which, to begin with, required that the Hares drink for their part in the day’s fiasco.
Basil and his unwitting partner in crime, Loretta, drank for the truly offensive trail. Then the visitors: Megan & Merrick from Milwaukee, Pussyfoot (an Irishman visiting from Copenhagen) and Mr. Cheesecake from Chicago. Mr. Cheesecake gets a special mention on account of the fact that he was in town for the final fitting of his fiancée’s wedding dress (though why he had to wear his fiancée’s wedding dress was never quite made clear) and decided to skip it in favour of the Hash.
The Virgins, John, Ayako, Nick and Jack who, by definition, had no inkling of the day’s tedium and who should, therefore, stick around until next year when Basil will no doubt put in a repeat performance.
Ed Lunch was asked to drink, apparently for his Racist behaviour: checking times on the Road Runners website for the previous day’s Half Marathon in Brooklyn. That is the sort of conduct up with which we shall not put.
Smashmouth was then also brought up for his behaviour on the previous day though it had nothing to do with r*nning. Instead, in the famous post-race “DBB Brooklyn Half-Marathon Pub Crawl”, he decided to take us to a range of eclectic neighbourhood bars, some of which he wouldn’t go into by himself but felt he could try out now he had a bunch of lemmings following the chalk marks to the beer, to wit, a classy Lesbian Bar by the name of “Beast” with…wait for it…Beer Pong… What goes on the DBB BHMPC stays on the DBB BHMPC…
Alex was given AOTW for his premature pack marking…I have a feeling that won’t be the last time he gets this award.Lauren was told to drink for her new shoes…on no, wait, Salt Lick was told to drink because Lauren was wearing new shoes. Yeah, I don’t know how that works either. However, just to prove that two wrongs do, in fact, make a right, James was given a Down-Down because he had tripped on trail and grabbed Salt Lick’s ass in order to break has fall. This bit of Fair & Balanced™ reporting, however, was countered by the facts, uncovered by your humble scribe, which show that Salt Lick was the real tripper and ass-grabber.
With these shenanigans out of the way, we returned to the more important issue of drinking and eating pizza. Yes, “more repetitiveness” I hear you cry…but there are some activities which deserve to be repeated.