NYCH3 # 1091
Start: Chez Hoffman (87th btwn
Hares: Hermiller Bros.
Henchman: Ed Lunch
On-in: Jake’s Chez Hoffman
G-rated?????? Well, it was supposed to be. At least the commercials were, but the on-in wasn’t. Details later.
A to A r*ns are always appreciated; especially when they are being hared by virgin hares. That being said, it looked like a colossal f*ck up when the Hermillers announced at the start of the r*n that 1) it was A to A (“No sh*t Sherlock! We just left our bags up at Trish’s apartment.”) and 2) the promised chicken/eagle split was not happening. Instead, the pack was treated to what was billed as a “pretty long r*n”. 7 miles. So they said. According to the Rules, the on-in doors would not open until 45 minutes after the start. I set my stop watch.
The pack of plenty (Got Wood?, HUA, Magoo, Scot G., Booty Call, Bahamonde, Seth, Mickey Mouth, Doug, Flaccio Domingo, Margaretta, Declan, Sideshow Bob, Yello Smello, DBB, Dave the Body, Lizz, Sarah, Meat Balls, Manslave, Sarah Down Under and Karen Z and a whole bunch of people I’ve never seen, but who denied being either visitors or virgins later) set off west towards 1st, then south and up 86th street. Then, there was what I consider an annoying zigzag trail that went south, west, north, west, south, west, north, west (you get the picture) to the Park entrance at 79th and 5th. Into the Park we went and headed west again the trail went north along the Great Lawn. The FRBs were seen backtracking east at the top of the lawn to the basketball/volleyball courts. There we found a massive circle jerk. Trail continued east, marked with flour, through shiggy onto the
By the time Yello Smello and I gimped to the on-in, there were r*nners outside the front door drinking water and stretching. My watch said 57:38. Upstairs the pack was grazing and civilians Pussy Repellant, Pam, Master Card, Jon and Bruce joined us. The TVs were blaring, the good beer was dwindling and the snacks were a plenty. Everyone settled into chairs, onto the couch and onto the floor for what was to be a great game. The down-downs were short & sweet:
Hare(s) Drew (without co-hare brother
Virgins: Amy, Jacqueline and Sarah (Flaccido Domingo made her cum, which, given his name seems unlikely).
HUA for screwing up a trail offense. Truth be told Yello Smello and I did bail after mile 2.8 (ish), when I felt a groin pull and buggered off to Bar East for a quick beer before returning to the on-in. However, HUA messed up the report. Yello Smello remained drinkless and I was called up for a (deserved) down-down.
AOW went to Dave Long for abandoning his girlfriend Lisa (of Keesa – Kim and Lisa caught kissing on film at the Idiotarod again?????) in her time of need. Dave Long was seen on Friday night at Off-the-Wagon, getting his drink on while Lisa was in the hospital with appendicitis. To his credit, however, after leaving the bar at (after the free beer ran out), he refrained from the temptation of going to a second party and went to see Lisa.
Some random Gang of Four Girls was called up for disrespecting hash tradition and talking incessantly during the Circle. How come Peter never gets busted for this?
The chili was served. Soon thereafter – and before the game even started – there was a maddening cry: We were r*nning out of beer! Well THAT’s what you get for having a Super Cheap Superbowl and charging only $5 for hash cash. Ed, do us a favor. Charge us another $5 next year and bring us a full 16 cases of beer – not 16 12-packs. The beer is cheaper where you buy it and we could have enjoyed Sam Adams or the like during the first half. The Hermiller brothers took up a collection and went out to procure more libations. It is rumored that they are the ones who started messing with the 40-or-so neatly lined up pairs of sneakers in the hallway – making it almost impossible to find your shoes before the night was over.
OK. So I don’t give a crap about football, but this wasn’t a bad game. The commercials were so-so. The fact that one couldn’t hear them, I’m sure, had somewhat of an effect on the crowd – who continued to talk and drink and drink and drink and drink . . . .
Sometime after the lame half-time show, it was discovered that Flaccido Domingo was hoarding a bottle of Maker’s Mark (his signature drink). Cries of body shots were misheard as belly shots and a number of hashers ended up on the floor of Trish’s kitchen getting Maker’s Mark sucked out of their belly buttons. They shall remain nameless until Booty Call rats them out with his cell photos. Fireman Bob mistook – I think it was Sarah’s – purple Chinese slipper for a new pair of sneakers and gallantly drank out of them (Y????). Unfortunately, I think Ed Lunch got jealous and dumped a bowl of chili on his head. That was the end of the evening for Fireman Bob. Ed, did you kiss and make out like Lisa and Kim?
The night got late, I am informed the Patriots won and a debaucherous night was had by all.