Start: 72nd St. & Broadway
Hare: Stacia and Dave Long
On-in: Ding Dong Lounge,
Guest Scribe: JoHn
TM: Good evening ladies and gentleman and welcome to Fox Sports’ broadcast of the Red Dress Recuperation Stumble. I’m Tim McCarver and alongside me is Joe Buck and Al Leiter.
JB: The story tonight Tim is of course the incredible pounding this pack has taken in each of the last two nights. Make no mistake about it, this group has been beaten up badly.
“Hi kids, Scooter here! A hangover happens when adults drink way too much the night before!”
JB: Er, uh, yeah. Like I was saying, this was one sorry looking bunch.
“Hi kids, Scooter here! The Ding Dong is a dive bar where you can acquire a nice hangover!”
JB: Is this necessary?
TM: Not now Joe, here comes the pack. We’ve got Booty Call, Jaime, Kyle, Christine, Magoo,
AL: You talk about determination. These guys have heart. This pack doesn’t get by on brains.
JB: They’d be in big trouble if they tried.
TM: Hey guys, did you know they have Bloody Marys on hash cash?!
JB: Settle down Tim. Here come the down-downs…
“Hi kids, Scooter here! A Down-Down is when you get to drink yummy beer. Try it when your parents aren’t home. Its fun!”
JB: Routine down-down for our hares Dave Long and Stacia. One down.
TM: Oh my! JM Dave Long with a whopper of an error! He forgets to give Jaime a beer so he has to do her down-down for her.
JB: The close-up of Jaime’s face says it all. Confusion, dejection. What an ass of a move by the JM.
TM: Next up Mastercard. This kid’s got heart. Loses her bag at one bar, her phone at another…
AL: I can’t believe she’s even here.
JB: Going to the WebMD Health Checker we see… major pain in the head for Mastercard.
TM: I’m a future hall-of-famer and I have to put up with this shit? I need another drink.
JB: Bill Janeway up next – oh wait, he left. Doug Guiley pinch hitting since he got a year older yesterday. Faaahhhk you….
TM: Come to think of it, this entire pack looks like it got a year older yesterday.
AL: Stacia next up for losing the chalk within 5minutes of starting to set trail.
JB: Coming in off the DL are Kyle and Cockstar. Let’s give ‘em a hand.
AL: Ahhh, fuck ‘em.
TM: What’s this? A fan on the field. Civilian down-down. They really should stop serving alcohol sooner at these things.
“Hi kids, Scooter here! Talking out of your ass is what mismanagement does!”
JB: Uh, right. Ok. Smashmouth next. Tim, you might want to slow down on those Bloody Marys.
TM: Drink it down-down-down-down… I love that tune!
JB: Back to the down-downs then. “That guy there” (
TM: Up next is Rick for his Lance Armstrong impression.
JB: By the way, tonight’s play of the game is when they finished the “Roll back my foreskin for me” song and the bartender was overheard saying “I’m so glad I got stoned before coming to work today.”
AL: And there’s Karin yammering into the JM’s ear while he tries to give another down-down. And yup, now she’s got the down-down. Had to see that coming, eh Joe?
JB: And here comes the final down-down. Crowd is on its feet. Oh, it’s a beauty. Loretta. For standing next to Basil. What a great call.
TM: I said it before, these mental mistakes just kill this pack’s hopes. What was she thinking?
JB: Not as said as the JM almost forgetting Asshole of the Week. And the nominees…. The JM of course for almost forgetting AOW. And Mastercard. Just because. Oh look, a vote. Should it be the JM?
JB: Or Mastercard?
(cue the sound of crickets at night…)
TM: Boy oh boy these drinks are good. Last time I had one this good was back in 1993 in
“Hi kids, Scooter here! A Rusty Trombone is when….”
JB: All right, let’s stop this nonsense right here. On behalf of Tim, Al, myself and Fox Sports Network, On-out.